To start let me explain my struggle to know God. I was young when a desire to know the Master had manifest in my heart. I knew intuitively that he loved me, but I knew that I needed to be more like Him to know him better. A pretty wise thought for a youngster. I could not have been more than 10 when I realized the need to think as God would think and desire to do right by those thoughts. I knew that anger, a trait I was gifted with, was strong in me and blinded me to being able to see things as the Savior would see them. What would Jesus do? plagued my thoughts, because it was not my first thought and I didn't want to be a hypocrite and do things I didn't believe in or desire myself. I came to the realization in time that LOVE was the only power that kept me from anger and fear. Only when love in me for God and His children on this earth was strong was I free from thoughts that would bring me down. Gratitude, love, and light encircled my heart in those times.
Some of those times were on my baptism day, while on vacation on a church history tour with my family, at Galena Street East firesides, my farewell for my mission, preaching in Germany and Austria, my days serving the young adults in Sacramento at Cosumnes River College, leaving home for Brigham Young University and putting my fate in the hands of God, studying in Europe, courting my wife, delivering my children and blessing them, serving in the church and in the Boy Scouts of America. These were all meaningful times when the good in my life outweighed the bad and gave me the confidence I now have that indeed I can and will do all things the Lord asks of me.
It is through His miraculous providence that my meager abilities multiply to meet overwhelming challenges and with His Grace that allows me to fulfill the purposes He leads me through. I can claim little credit for the education and experience I have attained. Providence was there at every step to guide my path or even to dig me out of my self-made spiritual grave and give me new life in Him. The credit is His, but the lessons are for me to share. That said, as a youth, I developed a trigger that accompanied my anger--an immediate reflex to reflect, and humble myself because of the shame I felt for that rage. Oh, I can rage, but in short order and now in less time than it takes to write an email my mood sobers and I search for any way to think from another person's perspective. I have developed great empathy for people who are different from me and also tolerance for those who are like me. I feel what others are feeling and regardless of language or race find common ground. It has been a real blessing for me.
I have a real feeling for highs and lows in life and struggled with my share of depression and worthlessness. I tried to limit my anger and lusts during highs by focusing on being productive, serving others, and practicing skills. During lows, I learned to look to God and found that this time was best used for reflection and learning patience. When my thoughts were out of control, I was not in a good place emotionally and eventually prayed for relief from my shame. In time, the Lord became my only salvation and truly my savior in all things. Without Him and His forgiveness and power, I would be a slave to evil and self-destruction. In high school, this was also accompanied by serious migraine headaches. I was always very active and had significant physical challenges on my paper route each morning and in a performing group from the time I was eleven. At fifteen, I was good enough to join the main performers in Galena Street East. We danced and sang and had long rehearsals and performances all weekend and at least once during the week. So most of those formative years were filled with continual physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental pain and exhaustion. I learned to push through and pain and in time and with the proper nutrition (spiritual and physical), all things healed and become stronger.
My ability to see things from many aspects has been developed into curiosity, creativity, problem-solving, communications, and many other skills as they were needed. You see, if there was a skill I did not have I sought to learn it. If there was a personality that was needed in a group I naturally sought to serve my best to fill the gap. Sometimes that gap was served best with leadership, sometimes as a record keeper, sometimes as an instigator, sometimes as a teacher, often the gap was filled as I became the patient and devoted follower, sometimes as a repairman, and at times I became the arbiter, the facilitator, the committee chair, the presenter, the counselor, the puzzle solver. Oh, I seriously doubt I was the best at any of these, but at the time my abilities were sufficient to get the job done and I gained a great deal of perspective from my experiences. A perspective that now is unbelievable to some and unimportant to others. To me it is everything.
OK boring right. How about those stories. Well, I am a novice storyteller, but I hope these stories may be interesting to you. They were to me and if I present them well perhaps they will be of worth to you. <time lapse>
It has been 15 years since I promised stories, so it is about time that I realize life is quickly slipping away. Many of my stories may never be told. I had included my life history and nearly broke the site so, it is important for me to remember the meaningful stories first so I have removed the life history and I will endeavor to include only those stories that may be meaningful to my posterity.
My Conversion to Christ. As I said, I always knew of God, but at some point, a person has to know something for themselves. Living the gospel I had been taught as a child only brought me to know of its goodness, but I did not have a personal witness from my own seeking. I trusted that God answers prayers, but I had never asked the specific question that would confirm to me beyond doubt that Christ had indeed restored his church on the earth. Everything already fit in my mind, but I felt I needed to ask. When I was 16, my parents decided to take all 10 of the children across the United States in a van and tent trailer to see the sites on a church history tour. At the end of the tour, we ended up in the upper state of New York at the Sacred Grove. I found a quiet place alone and knelt down to pray. I prayed to have revealed to me if Joseph Smith was actually visited in this grove by the Father and the Son according to the account I read in the Pearl of Great Price. I waited and listened. An overwhelming feeling of peace and clarity came to me that I cannot deny and will never forget. It seemed like a voice talking to me in the affirmative in a language understood by and directed to my own heart. It was brief, but I had never had that feeling so strongly before and I could no longer doubt that Jesus' church had truly been restored to the earth. The Father lives. Jesus lives. Joseph was His prophet and brought to us the Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ, to guide us and the true church of Jesus Christ authorized by Christ Himself to administer salvation through His priesthood and prophets. All the rest of my testimony has been revealed and continues to be revealed to me line upon line according to my faithful experiences and the fruits of obedience to the commandments. I just have to follow Jesus and continually repent of my weakness that He can sanctify my efforts and my soul to be a profitable servant and return with all my family to live with the Father again.
The Gift of Tongues is real. I know it because I experienced it. My family has had an aptitude for languages; my parents were both fluent in German and Spanish and dabbled in many other languages. My father even taught German and Spanish to high school kids. I, on the other hand, was a little slow for some reason. I got a "C" in my father's classroom despite getting an A on the final exam. In the missionary training center, I was a chapter behind my fellow companions. The Lord encouraged me with a dream, where my companions awakened me and told me that I had been talking in my sleep in German and bearing my testimony as if I was giving the lesson that they were learning. I had not even started learning that discussion. The dream did not seem to help with my actual lessons. I didn't even recognize German when we went to Europe after training. I thought Dutch was German at the airport in Amsterdam. When we arrived in Munich, I listened to a local for nearly an hour and did not understand one word he said. It took me an extra month of singular study to pass off my discussions. I was sent the next month to a university town and while there was set up to meet and be questioned by students in the Campus Crusaders for Christ (a notoriously anti-Mormon Christian movement). The professor who sponsored the organization led the charge at the meeting with every question he could to make us look dumb. Well, I did not understand much that he said, because he was speaking German at a collegiate level. My companion had been out in the field only one month more than I. We were at a severe disadvantage and it was our intent to do the best we could. All at once my mouth started speaking German words I did not know, in structure, I did not know, and simultaneously in my mind, the interpretation of what I was saying streamed into my thoughts in English! It was as if my mind had been opened to God's knowledge of this man and his intents, and God was using my mouth to address the professor personally. Now, I personally could have known nothing of this stranger, but it was all true. Without a word, the professor stood and left. Afterward, the sincere questions of the student were given attention, and the spirit was felt by all. I have not had such a gift since, but in the time that it was needed the Lord was able to use me.
The Lord's work continues to spread throughout all the nations of the earth. On my mission, I was able to teach many peoples from other lands. Yes, we taught Germans, but in Germany in the early 80s, there were many people from foreign lands, escaping their homelands for political, economic, and religious reasons. In Fürth, Germany, we were able to teach people from Nigeria, Lebanon, and Ghana. At the time these lands did not have the gospel and there was much persecution of Christians. I remember sitting in a circle and reading the Book of Mormon together and each would read in a different language. Sometimes we had to stop and use their bible to translate words they did not understand in English or German. We would use our index to find the word in our English New Testament and then locate the word for them in an Arabic New Testament. The spirit was strong and one man from Ghana was baptized. He vowed to take it back to his country despite the danger it would mean to his own life.
The Gift of Young Adult Service. I met with my Stake President in Sacramento South Stake and during my return interview, he expressed his desire not to release me from missionary service, but to reassign me to be a stake missionary. I have always understood that every member is to be a missionary, so the assignment was gladly received as were my new mission rules to get a job, date, and go to school. While at school, at Cosumnes River College, we had not had an institute class, so three of my friends (Rob, Mike, and Shawn) and I formed the LDSSA on campus and arranged to have institute instructors come down to teach us. We were able to have great teachers. As a representative to the student council for the club, I found many opportunities to serve and lead in clubs, on CRC Student Council, the Los Rios Community College District, the region 10 student association, and state student council CalSACC. I was also very busy with young adult activities all over Sacramento and always had somewhere to go and serve. In addition, I helped with Galeana Street East performing group from time to time as well. With school, church, work, practices, and dating I rarely saw home. When I did, I made it a point to be the best brother I could be. I learned that the Lord qualifies who he calls and is able to do His work as we are willing to serve Him. These were miraculous times.
The Lord's University. At graduation from Cosumnes River College, I received several leadership awards, one of which was a half-tuition scholarship to Brigham Young University. I had not thought that I would be able to be accepted to the school, so it came as a surprise to me. I felt inspired to go so I bought a bus ticket to Provo, UT, and with $65 dollars in my pocket left home behind. I had no acceptance letter, no job, no place to stay, but I had a friend pick me up at the bus station and drop me off at some apartments near BYU and let the Lord do the rest. I was a month early for the start of classes and during that month was able to find room-mates, a job on campus, join in church, and register for classes. Starting school in the third year was a little overwhelming for me, but all of my credits transferred. I didn't have a major yet, I just started taking classes that interested me. I did understand that not all college classes resulted in career opportunities so I avoided some of my interests in music and art and instead went into political science. What I did not realize was that some majors appeared serious, but also did not lead to careers. I let my interests and inspirations control my course choices and studied hard. I felt I should go on the Vienna study abroad program and with more miracles was able to attend. My courses serendipitously led to an international relations BA and I completed it shortly after attending to the most important reason for coming to Brigham Young. At BYU education is all about balance (intellectual, spiritual, physical, and social) All I had to do now was to date.
Finding My Other Half Took Awhile. The romance started for me late in life. Ironically, I was so attracted to girls that I could not speak to them so I really didn't date much until after high school graduation. I met some great girls and got over my fears to the point that I was dating steadily, before my mission, but cut off the relationship right before leaving. We didn't write, but she was there when I returned. After much prayer, it was revealed to me that we should not marry and I dated others. I was feeling old by the time I went to BYU so I felt it was time to get serious. I was really diligent about home teaching an apartment of ladies and before long they were asking me out. I asked several others out and things seemed to be going really well but in all kinds of directions. I even went on blind dates. Finally, one of my blind dates asked me to preference. We went to the Springville Art Museum for a dance and I was stricken. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and she loved to dance! At the end of the school semester, we were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple for eternity. Too short? My life history details the amazing miracle.
Children Take Over. It was once said by a happy mother on the side of a mountain with a handcart and 15 children scattered all around that children are the path to happiness. I asked how she did it. She summarized for me the stages of family development from her perspective.
The first child, she said changes your life completely. The second is more of the same but may only change the husband's life as he is required to be part of the transformation.
The third is again, life-changing because you realize that your fasted and most destructive child is now loose. The fourth is more of the same—you are not in control.
The fifth requires a fundamental change at home and order is required. After this the oldest children begin helping the youngest and, if you taught them well, will continue teaching their siblings making everything easier. From then on joy continues to fill and multiply in your lives. I only had 5 at the time, but my parents had 10 and I saw these principles at play. I recommend the process highly to my family. I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go. Oklahoma!? ... OK Nephi, What! Texas?? Wherever.
So it has ever been important to me to go where the Lord would send me. Now that I had begun building my family I desired to know where the Lord would send me to build his kingdom. I studied and prayed and came to the conclusion that the Lord wanted me to go to Oklahoma. I shared it with my wife and family and one of my siblings said in her heart, "Oh, H*** no!, I served my mission there and we did not really want to move there". I don't know what she thought exactly when she found out that I intended to move my family there, but she offered to have us come live with her family. We did so until we could find a home of our own in Utah. We did find a home in Nephi, but shortly thereafter, I lost my job and I was forced to work two jobs and there was much insecurity. We also had increasing struggles with Emma's safety. While helping at a leadership training course, my wife escaped to Katy, Texas where we have together set down roots. The Lord has blessed us with much though we have had many trials and were unable to own another home for many years. After 9 years, we sought to know where God would send us now that I have lost my job again. Sometimes, I think it is better to follow the Lord rather than our own understanding. We continually received locations North of Houston, until one stood out. We have moved to Cleveland to a humble home and have been welcomed by neighbors and the Ward. We await the coming of Christ and do not anticipate moving again until then.
Serving in the Church of Jesus Christ with the Saints. I am always at home wherever I am because the Lord's kingdom is worldwide and I have always been at home with the saints. Whether for one day or for decades, it does not matter. The gospel is the same everywhere, and we are all preparing for Him to come and reign. I am a High Priest and once served in a bishopric and I look back upon my service in all the church's organizations with gratitude. The callings are all the same to the Lord. Greeter the same as Bishop. God pays us all the same for working in His kingdom. There is no praise of men nor honor that will reward us in the eternities for our service. The Lord continues preparing me for service in his kingdom in every way. There are too many stories to detail here and my children may follow by their own activity in the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints and learn the lessons they need through faith, repentance, baptism, and obedience to the Holy Ghost, as I have, and by accepting through prayer and diligence all callings and assignments offered them by the servants of the Lord. Here are the ones I remember having, some of which no longer exist or were not regular assignments: Hometeacher, ward choir member, Deacon, Teacher, Priest, Elder, missionary, stake missionary, LDSSA secretary, LDSSA president, young adult representative, temple and family coordinator, committees coordinator, Elder's Quorum Second Counsellor, nursery leader, gospel doctrine teacher, Sunday school teacher, ward choir director, ward music leader, chorister, primary pianist, primary teacher, new scout leader, scoutmaster, troop committee member, Dallas temple veil worker, Provo temple veil worker, high priest's quorum second counselor, bishopric second counselor, building cleaning coordinator, minister. I also had some external to church calling that participated in for God and his children. Soccer Coach, Scout leader Trainer, OA brotherhood, Brigham Young Academy President, and best of all friend.
Grandchildren are the best. We love them. They are the fruit that you hope for–the posterity that was promised. At first, all they can do is look at you when they hear your voice. Then they can grab your glasses and hair. Slowly, they learn to move around and before you know it they are walking. Poof! as if magically, they are talking and no-one can tell what they are saying, but before long they are talking to you. They grow so much faster than your own children did. The little time you spend together is so much more precious as is your time with your grown children. You just want to embrace them and never let them go, but life continues more and more without you until you wait on the other side to see them again.
Stephany Jane Valencia 6/2/2019
Jacob Eldon Thornock 2/1/2020
Empty Nester
Empty Nester
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