It's Christmas Eve and the Sabbath day. A great opportunity to sit and collect my
thoughts. Christmas is often a reason
for me to more deeply contemplate the meaning of light, love and life. I find as the preparations progress, I am regularly
distracted by all the many things that did not get done throughout the
year. There is a push to finish. Not only my list, but I am sought to help
important people in my life who also have the desire to finish up.
This year there were several things that have little to do
with Christmas that took my time and energy away from the spirit of the season
(e.g., empty bank account, insurance cancellation, garage door going off track,
the shower needed new grout and sealant, scabies, the chickens, changes at
work, changes to my callings at church, etc.)
I tried to keep focused on the season and was successful at
making the new star for the tree, putting the lights up with Chelsea, making a
Christmas origami crown and drawing instructions to give as a gift, singing in
the ward and stake choir programs, helping with the Polar Express ward party, going
to my daughter's school choir performance, putting up the sockings, watching
parts of some Christmas movies, and helping others get into the spirit. But, that wasn't enough! I wanted to do the gift shopping with the family
I got ugly when I found I did not have the means to do it. I had to apologize. The season is not about me or what I do to
prepare. I had to let go, and in doing
so I found the spirit come back into my heart.
I was not the only one struggling this year. My wife spent the last 3 days stressing about
the house and everyone else who was not helping the way she wanted it
done. My daughter, told me she didn't
ever want to come home again. My other
daughter wanted me to turn off the Christmas music, because it was bothering
her. My other other daughter was having
tantrums almost daily. I found myself interrupting
others to stop negative conversations, which is rarely more than a waste of
breath.
I know my family is not the only one that struggles during
Christmas. I feel for all who struggle
to find meaning in the season. I
apologize with my whole heart for distracting others from the spirit. I will seek peace and love everywhere I see
it and everyplace I can share it.
Merry Christmas
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