LISTENING

Today,  I got to talk with my son.  It was great.  I love him.

I had been studying a part of the LDS version of the 12 Steps around having a change of heart.  We shared insights together.  One that was very poignant to me was that no lasting change can happen until you leave your will completely in God's hands.  Oh, there is a preparation or personal transformation that is necessary (covered in the first five steps) for that to actually be possible.  I read a quote• from the lesson to him.

• "No matter what the source of difficulty and no matter how you begin to obtain relief--through a qualified professional, therapist, doctor, priesthood leader, friend, concerned parent, or loved one--no matter how you begin, those solutions will never provide a complete answer.  The final healing comes through faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and obedience to His commandments" (Richard G. Scott, in Conference Report, Apr. 1994, 9: or Ensign, May 1994, 9). 

 I explained that man and all his wisdom could not make a change in me (he agreed that therapy had no affect on anyone that he knew in the program he attended), but that only faith in God could make the change in us.  My son had expressed how grateful he was that he was raised differently from others he knows, he knows generally what is right and knows where to go for help and he attributes his ability to see things more clearly to it.  I agreed that therapy seemed useless to me too--only my relationship with God made a difference.  God always listens.  I can feel that.  He has always been there to listen to me, and I knew of His love for me and His faithfulness in keeping His promises.  I knew of his power to forgive and release me from my burdens, I knew Him as the only true source of relief early in life.  We didn't solve any problems, but I was happy to have had an open conversation with a child about something that really mattered.

Afterward, I learned a valuable lesson.  My wife called and I rejoiced to share with her that I got to talk with my son.  I read her the quote• from the manual and expressed that it has always been my feeling.

Amid sharing my celebration with my wife, she went quiet.  I listened and she explained how arrogant I seemed, how judgemental I was being.  Such a polar opposite take on what I was feeling.  I was feeling awe at my own powerlessness and gratitude for God's power in my life.  I had no power to change, without God.  She said that she and my daughters go to these people to be listened to.

STOP rang through my head and my heart felt a piercing blow.  My mind raced...

Therein was my lesson.  She, on the other hand, had found valuable the help these sources offered and now she felt like I was mocking her and my daughters who were going to therapy.  I assured her that was not my intent.  She was glad that I had a good talk with my son, but I had not taken her perspective into account when relaying my story.  My wife, for a long and very painful time, would not share her feelings with me.  My daughter is running from me to others to hear her story because she is not comfortable coming to me.  I have some employees that shy away from talking with me.  How sad that makes me.  I desire to listen and give them comfort.  I truly feel for those who confide in me.  I do not judge them.  I have no desire to mock or belittle.  But, somehow in the translation of what people see in my words and behavior, they think I will not be open.  I do not easily read people unless they do talk openly with me.  I am as open as possible but often preoccupied with my own thoughts and goals.  I almost always have my mouth open saying something.  Much of which probably does not need to be said and can be misinterpreted.  I know that God understands (it's not like His words haven't been taken out of context, misinterpreted or to which some people have become offended).  Yet, I must repent and learn from my all-wise Heavenly Father--He speaks for those who have ears to hear and always listens in a way that you can feel and trust.  In that split second, I became aware of how sorry I was.

...I promised her I would listen better.