How did I get here?
I feel so useless, bored, stir crazy, helpless, sick, adgetated. I get angry just to feel the blood in my veins. I yell to get a reaction from someone, but I can't see any. I don't feel alive. My head races and I can't sleep, but I am exhausted, wrung out, wasted and my heart is numb to all feeling. I am in a dark room and the walls are coming in on me. I know that I am breathing, but I feel no warmth in my breast.
It seems like I have been here my whole life, but just yesterday I didn't feel this way.
Where is joy, happiness, love, trust, hope, or charity. I am watching from the back row the happy show of others around me. It seems so fake, but day after day the sound is like a never ending scratch repeating the same old song. Why can I not hear it. By now, I should have it memorized but I can't sing a word. Their happiness seems so shallow, but I would do anything to have it, no I hate them. Why should I do it, I must be true to ME!
How did they get there? They say it is simple. Turn to God, Pray, read the good book, serve others, be moral, clean and wholesome. Cliches all. I've heard it all, but how does that help me. I am in pain, real pain. No mere ideal will help me. Noone understands my problems. I won't let them.
God, if you exist help me. Oh, I don't believe you are there, and if you are, you don't care. After all, if you did why is there so much pain and suffering? How could you love me?
Jesus who they say is love, are you there?
The night is so dark.
It's getting so cold.
My heart aches.
Give up.
Wait...
It's getting lighter. Here comes the sun again.
Forgive me God for my disbelief.
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